To avoid the negative thoughts and feelings that come with a rash, disorganized flurry of words, it's beneficial to know what not to say in public.
Here are 10 things emotionally intelligent people avoid saying:
1. "IT'S NOT FAIR!"
Indeed, life isn't always fair, a realization that comes with maturity. While the situation may be unjust, it's important to remember that those around us might not be aware of the incident, and declaring "It's not fair" won't fix the issue.
Instead, it's more productive to concentrate on finding a solution. This approach not only helps maintain your dignity but can also lead to resolving the problem.
2. "YOU LOOK TIRED."
We never truly know what someone else is dealing with privately. Telling someone "You look tired" can inadvertently highlight their struggles for all to see, regardless of our intentions.
A more empathetic approach would be to express concern in a different way, such as asking, "Is everything okay?" to show genuine care.
3. "FOR YOUR/A..." STATEMENTS
Examples: "You look great for your age," or "For a woman, you've achieved so much."
It's commonly understood that age and gender biases persist. It's likely that the person you're addressing is aware of these biases and may be offended by their mention.
Simply compliment the individual without qualifiers.
4. "AS I'VE SAID BEFORE..."
Everyone forgets things occasionally. This phrase suggests you're offended by having to repeat yourself or that you consider yourself superior to the listener in some way.
While it's frustrating to repeat oneself, it's better to avoid expressing this frustration and instead try to clarify your message.
It's kinder to occasionally remind them.
5. "YOU NEVER..." OR "YOU ALWAYS..."
In reality, no one always or never does anything. These words are often used insincerely, dishonestly, or for dramatic effect, and they're frequently intended to hurt someone out of anger or disdain.
Be specific about what the other person did. For instance: "I've noticed you continue to do (such and such); can I help in any way or is there something I should know?"
6. "GOOD LUCK."
This phrase can be contentious, and understandably so.
The reasoning is that luck removes control of the outcome from the individual and attributes it to external forces or chance. No one has won the lottery by skill alone; it's all about luck.
While often well-meant and open to interpretation, saying "I know you have what it takes," or "You've got this in the bag," might boost someone's confidence more than relying on luck.
7. “IT DOESN’T MATTER TO ME.”
When someone seeks your opinion, they expect constructive feedback. Saying "it doesn't matter" implies that their situation is trivial to you, or that providing feedback isn't a priority. If time is short, propose a later moment when you can give them your full attention.
8. "WITH ALL DUE RESPECT..."
Pause. Are the words you're about to speak truly respectful? If yes, proceed, but be aware that your tone, body language, and intonation will reveal if respect is genuine. If not, and the phrase is a prelude to disrespect, it's better to hold back.
9. "I TOLD YOU SO..."
This phrase reeks of arrogance. It's often seen as childish and immature, reminiscent of squabbling kids. If you've warned someone about the consequences of their actions, and they've ignored it, find a way to engage without scorn. Offer help or intelligent advice instead.
10. "I GIVE UP."
Admitting defeat with "I give up" may seem innocuous, but it's a declaration of inability to overcome obstacles. Whether it's a challenging boss, a tough assignment, or an unpleasant colleague, look for ways to persevere rather than surrendering.
Source: www.powerofpositivity.com
